Allow me to properly introduce myself,
My name is Carl Halliburton, better known by C.J.
42 year old dreamer
A grown child
Young man
Old soul
I find that i get lost often,
and most often by great design.
My inner youth giggles at the unknown.
Washington State runs green in my veins,
I refer to Rainier as “My Mountain.”
My Dalai-mama has always told me that God first created the Northwest
and then tossed blessings to the rest of the world.
My roots run deep and Family is the cornerstone of my life.
I often walk barefoot
in attempts to plant myself when I'm not feeling grounded.
I love to travel…
I've been 10’s of thousands of miles around the world in search of romance...
I found it 3 feet behind me,
In a 20 year limbo of
Love and lust
Lies and trust
New endings
And
Old beginnings.
I've felt tranquil brilliance with feet buried in sand on the shores of the
Red Sea.
I am steadfast in seeking out adventure in celebration of this vessel
God saw fit to grace my soul with.
I try to fuel this somewhat ambient machine with,
Passion
Hope
Love
&
A touch of bravado
that might carry my shoulders square enough
To convince the masses that I am fearless…
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I am deathly afraid to showcase my being
Though I never stop performing.
I employ myself as the bard of my own life's story.
This is a tactic I've used to ensure that light is best shown
Where emphasis needs be….
And that has honestly been far away from
the things that
connect people unconsciously
Which I find in,
Humble faltering
And
Uncelebrated short comings.
I love people
But I don't like everyone
I'm just not that centered...
Yet.
I carry heavy weight
on the strain of my hearts great effort
And have found through connection that
I Have the capacity of holding emotional tonnage.
Empathy…..
I rediscovered prayer through bloody knee pleading
as I bartered with God to save a little girl
From that one word curse.
20years ago
She climbed into my lap and
Sobbed in my ear
Like a celestial cup and string
and I was a direct line to the Lord,
“Why don't I get a happily ever after”...
How does a man fight that battle for a child?
Hold tight...
Clench fists ...
And always know that love will endure
You are a warrior queen,
Heaven Holds you
And so do I,
Grow deep roots and Beautiful wings.
I'm a
saint seeking,
Self confessed sinner.
Church going
Absentee ballot
3rd party truth seeker.
Renegade-Bellator-Rebel...
Borderline uncivil warrior
Steel forged but not built of steel,
But still I forge
To be the weakest link in every chain that I am in.
Hunter-Stalker
Hunted-Prey
Cat AND mouse.
Gifted-gracious-humble & Malleable.
Sophisticated sophomore in the school of hard knocks,
Home schooled street scholar in a vagrants curriculum.
Fastest kid in the slow class that set the bell curve for its syllabus.
I'm an analytical liar
A paradox
A Paramore prairie fox.
Years ago my brother asked me if id hit rock-bottom,
In that moment i realized how deep I truly am…
I told him that
I pray to god I never find the darkness of that decent,
But if I do,
An invite would be received titled,
“In loving memory of a man you almost knew.”
shrouded in a box of mahogany
baptized by earth
Dust to dust
ashes to phoenix
I am god's son from grave to birth.
I love to dance and wish i could sing
I do to much of one and not enough of the other.
I'm a jack of all trades
A master to none
A joker to all
And always striving to be a king for my queen.
Im not perfect…
so far from it.
I seek out solitude
But easily get lonely
I yearn for companionship
But have the worst time committing.
I am tenaciously devout
And easily distracted...
I've found that where my eyes lead
my heart will surely follow,
So forgive me if i shy from eye contact,
Its for your own good….
Unless your that one
In which case
Please let me know...Make me believe
Because i am rupturing at the seams of my being
And my core is on supernova levels,
I've battled loneliness,
And the world can be so dark
with eyes wide shut.
Friend
Partner
Lover
Mate,
Call me what you will,
Just know that
I will give until I am empty and will feed on your love
I will give my all to you.
Hold me and always call me yours
and I will always call you home.
I could build a literal fortress out of the books that i own
But can't seem to fortify my time to finish reading any one of them.
Like those books
My life has countless stories started
and just as many still incomplete.
I've hurled venomous rants at the man on the moon
For always being there and never offering me any advice
I found that I am bitter...
Bitter that my father idolized that lunar visage so much
That just like him
He left the earth
Left it darker without his presence,
Left me to sort out these mysteries
alone in the light of the day…
So thats what im doing
Stumbling towards perfection.
My name is CJ,
A son of God
And
Your brother.
