Allow me to properly introduce myself,

My name is Carl Halliburton, better known by C.J.

42 year old dreamer

A grown child

Young man

Old soul

I find that i get lost often,

and most often by great design.

My inner youth giggles at the unknown.

Washington State runs green in my veins,

I refer to Rainier as “My Mountain.”

My Dalai-mama has always told me that God first created the Northwest
and then tossed blessings to the rest of the world.
My roots run deep and Family is the cornerstone of my life.

I often walk barefoot

in attempts to plant myself when I'm not feeling grounded.  

I love to travel…

I've been 10’s of thousands of miles around the world in search of romance...

I found it 3 feet behind me,

In a 20 year limbo of

Love and lust

Lies and trust

New endings

And

Old beginnings.

I've felt tranquil brilliance with feet buried in sand on the shores of the

Red Sea.

I am steadfast in seeking out adventure in celebration of this vessel
God saw fit to grace my soul with.

I try to fuel this somewhat ambient machine with,

Passion

Hope

Love

&

A touch of bravado

that might carry my shoulders square enough

To convince the masses that I am fearless…

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am deathly afraid to showcase my being

Though I never stop performing.

I employ myself as the bard of my own life's story.

This is a tactic I've used to ensure that light is best shown

Where emphasis needs be….

And that has honestly been far away from

the things that

connect people unconsciously

Which I find in,

Humble faltering

And

Uncelebrated short comings.

I love people

But I don't like everyone

I'm just not that centered...

Yet.

I  carry heavy weight

on the strain of my hearts great effort

And have found through connection that

I Have the capacity of holding emotional tonnage.

Empathy…..

I rediscovered prayer through bloody knee pleading

as I bartered with God to save a little girl

From that one word curse.

20years ago

She climbed into my lap and

Sobbed in my ear

Like a celestial cup and string

and I  was a direct line to the Lord,

“Why don't I get a happily ever after”...

How does a man fight that battle for a child?

Hold tight...

Clench fists ...

And always know that love will endure

You are a warrior queen,

Heaven Holds you

And so do I,

Grow deep roots and Beautiful wings.

I'm a

saint seeking,

Self confessed sinner.

Church going

Absentee ballot

3rd party truth seeker.

Renegade-Bellator-Rebel...

Borderline uncivil warrior

Steel forged but not built of steel,

But still I forge

To be the weakest link in every chain that I am in.

Hunter-Stalker

Hunted-Prey

Cat AND mouse.

Gifted-gracious-humble & Malleable.

Sophisticated sophomore in the school of hard knocks,

Home schooled street scholar in a vagrants curriculum.

Fastest kid in the slow class that set the bell curve for its syllabus.

I'm an analytical liar

A paradox

A Paramore prairie fox.

Years ago my brother asked me if id hit rock-bottom,

In that moment i realized how deep I truly am…

I told him that

I pray to god I never find the darkness of that decent,

But if I do,

An invite would be received titled,

“In loving memory of a man you almost knew.”

shrouded in a box of mahogany

baptized by earth

Dust to dust

ashes to phoenix

I am god's son from grave to birth.

I love to dance and wish i could sing

I do to much of one and not enough of the other.

I'm a jack of all trades

A master to none

A joker to all

And always striving to be a king for my queen.

Im not perfect…

so far from it.

I seek out solitude

But easily get lonely

I yearn for companionship

But have the worst time committing.

I am tenaciously devout

And easily distracted...

I've found that where my eyes lead

my heart will surely follow,

So forgive me if i shy from eye contact,

Its for your own good….

Unless your that one

In which case

Please let me know...Make me believe

Because i am rupturing at the seams of my being

And my core is on supernova levels,

I've battled loneliness,

And the world can be so dark

with eyes wide shut.

Friend

Partner

Lover

Mate,

Call me what you will,

Just know that

I will give until I am empty and will feed on your love

I will give my all to you.

Hold me and always call me yours

and I will always call you home.

I could build a literal fortress out of the books that i own

But can't seem to fortify my time to finish reading any one of them.

Like those books

My life has countless stories started

and just as many still incomplete.

I've hurled venomous rants at the man on the moon

For always being there and never offering me any advice

I found that I am bitter...

Bitter that my father idolized that lunar visage so much

That just like him

He left the earth

Left it darker without his presence,

Left me to sort out these mysteries

alone in the light of the day…

So thats what im doing

Stumbling towards perfection.

My name is CJ,

A son of God

And

Your brother.